


In Which Clint Barton Is Not The Most Well-Adjusted Avenger

by cosmicocean



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, but LESS of a trainwreck than he is in the comics, clint's still a trainwreck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 02:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4729991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicocean/pseuds/cosmicocean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint gets the door open. The apartment is medium sized, with clothes and things strewn haphazardly all over the place. </p><p>“Honey, I’m home!” he yells.</p><p>“Don’t give me that shit!” A woman yells back. “You are in so much trouble.”</p><p> </p><p>In which Clint takes them somewhere off the radar, where SHIELD won't find them.</p><p>(Short Ultron AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Clint Barton Is Not The Most Well-Adjusted Avenger

**Author's Note:**

> I know the formatting is weird but honestly I am just too tired to deal with it right now.

Clint flies them to New York of all places when he tells them they have a place they can hide.

He flies the Quinjet to a dirty, depressing part of the city and parks it in a small parking lot outside a dilapidated apartment building.

“Will anyone try to lift it?” Tony asks. Clint shakes his head.

“They can’t get into it. Wouldn’t put it past them to try, but they’ll assume it’s mine and know not to fuck with it.”

“This isn’t exactly low profile, Clint,” Steve says.

“Sure it is.” Clint wraps an arm around Natasha’s waist to help her along as they walk into the back entrance of the apartment building. “SHIELD doesn’t know it exists. And neither did you guys or the media, so everyone here knows how to keep their mouths shut.”

“Is this why you refuse to live in my Tower most of the time?” Tony demands. Clint smirks a little.

“It would be.”

They all head into the elevator. Inside is a woman with two children. She looks at them with raised eyebrows.

“Hey, Clint,” she says.

“Hey, Simone. Hey, kids.”

The kids wave. “Hi, Hawkguy.”

Simone gives a little guarded nod at everyone else. “Avengers.”

“Hi,” Bruce mumbles awkwardly.

She returns her attention to Clint. “Kate showed up about an hour ago. She’s probably in your apartment.”

“Great. Thanks.”

Simone raises her eyebrows. “This something I got to get my kids out of the building for?”

Clint shakes his head. “Nah. We’re completely off the radar here.”

“All right. I trust you.”

“I know.” The elevator dings and the doors open. Clint nods. “This is our stop. See you, Simone.”

“What is this place?” Thor asks. “Is it a SHIELD safehouse?”

“Nope.” He fumbles with the keys in his pocket before finding them. “This is my house house. Or. Apartment apartment.”

Clint gets the door open. The apartment is medium sized, with clothes and things strewn haphazardly all over the place. “Honey, I’m home!” he yells.

“Don’t give me that shit!” A woman yells back. “You are in _so much trouble_.”

Clint winces. “Aw.”

A golden retriever comes bounding up to them, looking up at Clint and wagging its tail. He reaches out and pats his head with the arm that’s not supporting Natasha. “Hey, Lucky.”

A woman stalks into the living room and glares at Clint. She’s in a baggy sweatshirt and purple sweatpants, and her black hair is in a messy bun in the back of her head.

“You’re in so much trouble,” she declares. “Have you _seen_ the footage coming out of Sokovia? Can I not leave you alone for _five minutes_?”

“Come on, Kate-“

“Don’t _come on_ me, Clint, people are _pissed_.” Her glare intensifies. “Are you okay?”

“We’re all a little shaken up. Thought we could crash here.”

She turns her attention to Natasha. “You okay, Nat?”

“Tip top,” Natasha mumbles, giving her a weary smile.

“Liar. Come on, sit down.”

Natasha lands heavily on the beat up looking couch. She sits for about a second before flopping over and curling up on it.

“Barton,” Tony says. “What.”

“This is my apartment. This is my dog. This is my Kate.”

“Go fuck yourself.” She walks up to Clint and does a onceover. “You’re sure you’re okay? Heard something like mind control on the news.”

“Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Didn’t feel like going on the ride the second time around.”

“Good.”

“So…” Bruce says warily. “You’re his…”

“I’m not his _anything_. If anything, he’s mine.”

Clint nods. “True.”

“But…” Bruce looks like he’s trying to be tactful and too exhausted to figure out a way to do it.

“Are you his daughter or are you boning?” Tony asks bluntly. Steve hits him on the chest and Thor gives him a stern look.

“Ew,” Kate says, wrinkling her nose. “Neither.”

Clint nods again, and it’s a sign of how strongly he feels about it that he doesn’t make a joke about all women loving him.

“She’s my protégé,” Clint says at the same time she answers “I’m the better Hawkeye.” Clint frowns.

“Don’t be rude.”

“Don’t lie to yourself.” She looks at Tony. “Clint pays for the apartment. In return I live here and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid and help him out when he does.”

“Also she kicks ass.”

“Also I do that.”

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Steve says.

“We keep an eye on the neighborhood,” Clint tells them. “When I’m here, we go out together, when I’m off Avenging, Kate patrols on her own.”

“So you’re the lady Hawkeye?” Tony asks.

“No. I’m Hawkeye Hawkeye. He’s Hawkguy.”

“How do you have the money to pay for this?” Bruce asks, looking around. Clint rubs the back of his head.

“It’s a long story.”

“You don’t have enough bedrooms for everybody,” Kate points out.

“Nat can stay in my room.”

“I’m not rooming with someone I don’t know.”

Clint raises an eyebrow. “Yeah,” he drawls. “ _Captain America’s_ going to try funny business with you.”

Steve goes a little red and Kate rolls her eyes.

“I’m taking Nat.” Her voice brooks no argument. “You can take someone else. Someone can take the couch. Everyone else gets sleeping bags and pillows.” She eyes up Steve and Thor. “Maybe not one of those two for the couch.”

“I cannot stay,” Thor mutters. “Forgive me.” He sweeps out of the door. Steve quickly follows him. Kate looks at Clint, who just kind of shrugs.

“Rough mission,” he says simply.

“Looks like it.” She looks at Natasha, who’s asleep on the couch. “She looks pretty beat up. Is she gonna be fine?”

Clint sighs. “I don’t know.”

Kate nods briskly. “All right, well, start divvying up rooms.”

“Can you make us some coffee?”

“Make your own damn coffee, Barton, and then you can tell me what the hell is going on.”

“It involves murderbots and magic twins.”

Kate stares at Clint who just looks completely seriously back.

“I liked it better when we were dealing with assholes with guns and questionable fashion choices,” she tells him.

“Don’t worry. We still get to deal with those.”

“Hmph. Go feed your dog. I’m getting Nat into a real bed.”

“Barton,” Tony repeats. “What.”

Clint kind of shrugs.

“Oh, and your ex-wife called, she wants to know what the fuck is going on,” Kate calls as she helps Natasha up a set of stairs.

Clint groans. “Thanks, Katie,” he mutters.

“You have an apartment, a protégé, a dog, and an ex-wife,” Tony says flatly, looking at Clint completely unimpressed. Clint rubs the back of his head again.

“Okay,” he says. “This looks bad.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have been working on this one fic for so long that I felt bad not posting anything in forever. So I wrote this, which has been rattling around in my head for a little while.
> 
> While I very much love Laura Barton and the idea of Clint owning a farm, I think the whole thing was handled poorly. "Surprise! This dude's got a family you never heard about" is not good unless it's been hinted at, and there were zero hints leading up to Ultron. So this happened.
> 
> I deliberately left the Brucetasha thing untouched because while I do have issues with the way it happened in Ultron, their relationship was not something that needed to be delved into in this.
> 
> I may continue this at some point, because I like the idea of the Avengers rattling around in Clint and Kate's apartment trying to understand this strange life Clint's kept hidden from them.


End file.
